


A Brush with Death (or the Perils of Watercress Sandwiches)

by 3a_berkeley (Brink182)



Category: A Bit of Fry and Laurie
Genre: Humor, Obscure and British Commentfest, Other, crack!fic, lol choking on watercress sandwiches, lol hemlock maneuver, love britcoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brink182/pseuds/3a_berkeley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for Obscure and British commentfic meme at lost_spook's journal. The prompt was 'Gordon+ or/Stuart. The perils of watercress sandwiches'. In this story, Stuart relates his brush with death to Gordon. (Gifting to lost spook, as I'm not sure if the prompter has an AO3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Brush with Death (or the Perils of Watercress Sandwiches)

**A Brush with Death (or the Perils of Watercress Sandwiches)**

**By: 3A Berkeley**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from  _A Bit of Fry and Laurie_. Please don't sue. 

* * *

Stuart was going on one of his pompous and self-important rants. Gordon had entirely lost track of which one it was this time. You've heard one, you've heard them all pretty much. Stuart could always be counted on to take the most incorrect position possible on any topic from the origin of the word  _civilization_  to methods of eating asparagus. When he was really going, all Gordon had to do was look interested and nod. It looked like he was beginning to wind down now, Gordon decided he better resume listening.  
  
"...And, that's how I almost died."  
  
Gordon looked like he ate a prawn that had gone down the wrong way.  
  
"I'm sorry, what?" he asked.  
  
"Weren't you listening?"  
  
"I was," replied Gordon, "but you lost me somewhere in the middle, Stu."  
  
"A likely story, Gordon English," Stuart sniffed, "I thought we were friends but you can't be bothered to pay attention to my tale of near death! My life flashed before my eyes!"  
  
"Well, how did it happen?" asked Gordon.  
  
Stuart sighed in a very put upon fashion.  
  
"If you didn't listen the first time, I don't see why you'd listen now," he grumbled.  
  
"Since when do you not like talking about yourself?" asked Gordon, calmly.  
  
An even temper was the best way to deal with Stuart Marsh.  
  
"I was eating a light lunch at Miss Betsy's Tea shop yesterday and I was eating a watercress sandwich," said Stuart.  
  
"You nearly died whilst eating a sandwich?"  
  
Gordon raised an eyebrow. Stuart was prone to melodrama.  
  
"Yes, Gordon, I did."  
  
Stuart was emphatic about this.  
  
"Continue."  
  
"I was eating a watercress sandwich, when all of a sudden, I started to choke. One of the waitresses had to perform the hemlock maneuver on me."  
  
"Heimlich," Gordon said, automatically.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You mean the Heimlich Maneuver, Stuart."  
  
"I know that!" replied Stuart irritably, "I'm well-aware, Gordon."  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"What do you mean 'is that it'?"  
  
"You choked on a bite of soft sandwich?"  
  
"And almost died!"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Yes, that's it," admitted Stuart, "watercress sandwiches are dangerous, Gordon, mark my words!"  
  
"Right."

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the summary, written for Obscure and British commentfic meme at lost_spook's journal and gifted to lost+spook, as I'm not sure if the prompter has an AO3...but really it is for with_rainfall


End file.
